The Convert

Pinchus and Shlomo are strolling down the street one day when they happen to walk by a Catholic Church. They see a big sign posted that says: CONVERT TO CATHOLICISM AND WE'LL GIVE YOU $20.

Pinchus stops walking and stares at the sign.

Shlomo turns to him and says, "Pinchus, what’s going on?"

"Shlomo," replies Pinchus, "I’m thinking of doing it."

Shlomo says, "What, are you crazy?"

Pinchus thinks for a minute and says, "Shlomo, I’m going to do it." With that, he strides decisively into the church and comes out 20 minutes later with his head bowed.

"So," asks Shlomo, "did you get your $20?"

Pinchus looks at him and says, "Is that all you people think about?"

Hialeah

Two women were exiting a prestigious Miami church.

The nattily dressed crone turned to her friend and snapped,

"It's Hallelujah, not Hialeah!"

The cursed diamond.

A gorgeous young woman walks into the party on the arm of a crusty old man. At the bar, a lady says, "That's a beautiful diamond you're wearing, it may in fact be the most beautiful diamond I've ever seen!"

"Thank you," the young woman replies, "This is the Plotnick diamond."

"The Plotnick diamond? Is there a story behind it?"

"Oh, yes. This diamond comes with a curse."

"A curse?" asks the lady, "what's the curse?"

"Plotnick."

In the Cemetery

A poor man is observed staring in admiration at the large and ornate tombstone of the richest man in town. He shakes his head slowly and mutters: "Now, that's what I call living."

Can't Wait That Long

A dry-goods merchant from Lublin orders a consignment of goods from Warsaw. Instead of the goods, he gets an email: "Sorry, cannot fill this order until your previous order has been paid for."

Regretfully, the merchant emails back: "Please cancel order. Can't wait that long."

Can HE Sell Salt!

I went into Uncle Shlomo's store to buy salt.

"What kind of salt would you like?" asked Uncle Shlomo.

"What kind? You mean there are different kinds?"

"Of course! Of course there are! Come with me into the back room."

In the back room, I saw three dozen barrels of salt.

"And what's more," said Uncle Shlomo, "each kind is different."

"Got in himl, you're quite an expert, you really know how to sell salt !!"

"Not me," said Uncle Shlomo. "I'm not so good at it. But the guy I bought it from - boy, can HE sell salt !"